While moving some shit around in my garage tonight, I managed to completely blow out my left knee. \u00a0It collapsed while I had all my weight (and the weight of the stuff I was carrying) on it. \u00a0It popped out of socket and bent kind of sideways\/inward. \u00a0It hurt like hell! \u00a0I\u2019m pretty sure I strained or slightly tore my MCL. \u00a0After several hours of icing and elevating, I determined at about 10pm that I couldn\u2019t walk for more than a few feet without hanging onto something. \u00a0Here begins the quest for some crutches and an ice pack. \u00a0First stop Walgreens. \u00a0I hobble into the store, get an ice pack and go over to where the crutches are. \u00a0There\u2019s hangers and tags for crutches\u2026 \u00a0no crutches. \u00a0I manage to flag down one of the incredibly motivated stock people and ask where the hell the crutches are; assuming there must be another place in the store that they are sold. \u00a05 minutes later, the stock person determines that they are out of crutches. \u00a0Of course! \u00a0I grab some survival gear (Licorice and Mt. Dew) and head back to the truck. \u00a0Next stop Meijer.<\/p>\n
Upon arriving at Meijer I\u2019m blessed with a full parking lot of shopping carts to lean on to get me into the store. \u00a0I seize my first legitimate opportunity to drive an Amigo motorized cart and blaze over to the medical supply section. \u00a0I was delighted to see a full stock of at least 4 pairs of crutches. \u00a0I grab a pair of the sturdy aluminum ones to support my tubby ass. \u00a0No dice. \u00a0I can\u2019t get the damn things out of the rack. \u00a0Whomever stocked this section must have put the crutches in the rack before the top shelf was attached, because there\u2019s no way to get them out of the hanger with it in place. \u00a0The hanger only allows the crutches to be removed by lifting them out, and the hanger is about 2? from the top shelf. \u00a0I struggle with the hanger and try to angle it upward so I can remove it from the shelving unit. \u00a0There\u2019s too many crutches in the hanger to tilt it up enough to remove the hanger. \u00a0I flag down one of Meijer\u2019s finest and ask them the proper way to remove the crutches from the display. \u00a0She walks over as if I am an imbecile and tries to lift them out of the rack herself. \u00a030 seconds later she comes to the same conclusion I did. \u00a0She calls her supervisor over to assess the situation. \u00a0Another attempt is made\u2026 the crutches remain. \u00a0By now I am surrounded by a crowd of no less than 5 Meijer employees all eager to see the birthing. \u00a0The supervisor makes an executive decision to remove all of the items from the top shelf and disassemble it. \u00a0(At this point I\u2019m looking around for a hidden camera). \u00a0I ask the supervisor to try to get the hanger out of the rack while I hold the rack in place, with hopes that we don\u2019t have to unload the rack. \u00a0A minute or so later we are left with a 12? hole in the peg board, and an avalanche of condoms, ace bandages and thermometers. \u00a0But alas, the crutches have been freed from the rack. \u00a0I slap those babies onto the Amigo and head for the sunset. \u00a0Feeling extra agile with my fresh new wheels, I decide to pick up some other miscellaneous things like cereal, milk and more paper towel. \u00a0Hop-along Harry is homeward bound.<\/p>\n
I get home and park by the side door so I can unload all of this crap onto the landing. \u00a0I notice that the milk jug seems curiously lighter than it was when I picked it up at the store. \u00a0Sure as shit, half the damn thing leaked out all over the floor behind the driver seat. \u00a0So here I am, hopping around on one leg with a pile of shit from my shopping spree and half a jug of milk dumped out in the back of my truck. \u00a0I invent some new vocabulary words and then go inside to get the paper towel that I already unloaded. \u00a015 minutes of sopping, hopping and rinsing later, I give up for the night. \u00a0I fully expect that I\u2019ll have a science experiment going on back there in the morning. \u00a0Joy.<\/p>\n
So it\u2019s now past midnight and I\u2019ve finally returned to my couch. \u00a0I had to take the time to share this\u2026<\/p>\n
And people wonder why I\u2019m so cranky all the time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
While moving some shit around in my garage tonight, I managed to completely blow out my left knee. \u00a0It collapsed while I had all my weight (and the weight of the stuff I was carrying) on it. \u00a0It popped out … Continue reading